Shingles? On my face? NOOO!!!!!! I know your thinking, "Yake, you have like the most flawless like complexion like ever!!!!!!" Then you added like a hundred emoticons and they were all like- :D :D :) :) and some of em were winking and stuff ;) Now I know I just turned you into a 13 year old girl, and I apologize for that, but we have serious things to worry about- I have shingles. 
And it's not really as cool as it sounds. It's mostly just swelling, redness, and liquid filled blisters accompanied by aching and random sharp pains, and of course the potential for permanant eye damage (we're talking retina scratching here folks), due to the close proxemity of my disgusting rash to my right eye. And of my two eyes, Righteous and Leftiticus, Righty has always been my favorite. He's my goto eye, I mean he's always been there for me, he introduced me to what my wife looks like, he helps me with things like depth perception and color, he was there when I proposed, and he is gonna be in the hospital room when my first child is born, no doubt about it. So it's serious. But health scares like this that really get you thinking. 
I mean what would I do if there really was a scratch on my retina? The long term effects of something like that could be terrible. Worst case scenario, my retina is scratched, my perfect 20/20 vision is no more, post-retina scratch my vision is a laughable 20/40 (Goodbye pilot dreams, and screw you Tom Cruise, for filling my head with such silly notions in the first place, "Yake" would look cool on one of those helmets though....). 
What options does a handicapper like myself have then? It's a depressing thought, aside from the great parking privleges, but I tried to list my options-
1. I guess I could get glasses. But come on, I'm not some star trek loving goon (no offense mom, you can pull off those coke bottle frames, I just don't have your elegant skull structure. Curse this small head!).
2. I could spring for some contact lenses. Issue, I really am not going to EVER put anything in my eye. It's my private area, and no one should touch it, not even me. 
3. And my final option- eye patch. The amazing thing about this option is that there really is no downside. Have you ever seen someone in real life wearing an eye patch? It pretty much turns you into a B.A. (Bad @$$) immediately. I just can't even imagine all the perks that come along with this thing. I mean, you get instant respect. You ever seen someone dis a pirate? Hells no. Aside from that fancy pants Peter Pann no one dares mess with patch wearing men (and this is an eye-patch only respect. Nicorette and motion sickness? haha. I don't think so. You just made me lolz, and if I were wearing an eye patch, I could lolz right in your face all day, and you couldn't do a thing about it (I can also say words like, "lolz" and recieve no ridicule thanks to my patch)). Also, no one would really know if you have an eye under there anyways, cause who is gonna ask? You don't just ask someone, "So hey, I uh, noticed your wearing an eye patch.... what horrific accident took your eye?" it's just not kosher. Even if you are a "rudeboy" as Rihanna calls em, you take one glance into that one-eyed gaze and you will be forking over your lunch money, and treasure, and women, and don't even think of asking for parlay. You scalliwag.... Arrrrrrrrr..... 
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