I can eat an entire bag of cheetos (puffs) in one sitting.

Yep, you read that right, an entire bag. It's just one of my many super human skills that you will learn of as you stalk me. You can just think of this as my Seinfeld blog. It's really about nothing. Nothing at all. 

      Lately. my lovely wife Brittany Ann has been very into reality television. Well really just one show, Sister Wives. If you haven't seen it google that ish immediately (I don't actually know if Googling it enables you to watch it, but I like to imagine that solves everything). If you haven't seen it or Googled it then here is the skinny, there is a polygamous family living in Lehi Utah, the husbands name is Cody, and he has 3 wives. He is "courting" a fourth as the series goes on and she marries in as lucky numero quatro (4). They all live in a big house. Its totally bizarre.  

       So Brit watched the first few episodes without me- I know, rude right?- so the first time I saw it was on like the 3rd episode. And I must say, that show is nuts. It amazes me people are still doing that. I mean, its like one of those things that you knew went on at one time, and you try not to think about it. But Sister Wives just throws it right in your fat, tv loving face. And, the craziest part about it all is, they pull it off and act like its a semi-normal kind of life (Not to be confused with third eye blinds smash 1997 hit, semi-charmed kind of life). Freaky deeky indeed. So the point is I watched like 8 episodes in one sitting, just to catch up with my wife. I would have gladly watched more, but there are only 8 episodes out. Make sure and tune in Sunday at 6:00 for the next riveting installment! Riveting installment really is a strange phrase, it sounds like something women did during WWII or something, but now I'm just way off base. (We Can Do It!)

      So the whole dang reason I brought up this Sister Wives garbage' (pronounced gar-bagge', it sounds less trashy that way) is because I saw the husband from the show, Cody, driving outside of UVU this morning about 9:17. So my first instinct was to flip around and follow his A. I don't know why, I've never really been the stalking type... but then I stopped myself and thought, "What am I doing?" I guess I was just overcome by his celebrity. And I realized how pathetic that is. He is barely worthy the title celebrity. It helped me realize something though, I would be one of those crazy gushing fans if I ever saw someone genuinely famous like say, Beyonce'. I can see myself outside of TRL now..... 'The camera pans passed Beyonce' and Carson Daly (yes, I'm that old), and focuses on the milling crowd outside. Girlishly screaming and violently pushing his way to the front of the crowd is a tall, rail thin, Jake Monsen. Teenage girls and boys go flying as pointed elbows catch helpless young teeny-boppers. What a pathetic vision eh? Yikes. Let's just say it would be more awkward than the time someone ordered a female stripper for Michael Jackson's bachelor party, lots of crying and huddling in corners. 

      Needless to say I will be working on my celebrity self control. If I ever see Whitney Houston I will control the urge to tackle her. I will not pick up anyone's trash and sell it on ebay, I won't have Rob Thomas sign my chest then quickly have it tatooed on. I pledge to be polite, courteous, and thoughtful to all celebrities of all kinds, except for Disney characters. You know who you are and what you did (Pluto, you white trash perve). 

       Manic fans are such a nuisance these days, and I just hate to be part of the problem. I wanna be the solution, the non-salene kind (contact solution joke- lame sauce).